I got my results...

I had my Cancer surgery on Tuesday & then I got my results Friday...
All the Cancer was contained in my uterus and they got it all out, so now I am finally Cancer free!!!
I'm still in hospital & have a massive cut from the surgery, they cut me from just under my ribs past my belly button & down to my pelvic area. I'm getting better each day, I'm off all my drips and I'm on the Oncology ward at the Mercy Woman's hospital in Melbourne.

I think it will take a while for it to finally sink in to me that my cancer is all gone, are 2 years of bad news, constant tests & treatment it's a massive relief to be told its gone.
I have a lot of emotions going through me at the moment and I still have a long road of recovery ahead of me but I will get through it, one day at a time, one step at a time and of course one tear drop at a time.
I will never forget hearing the surgeon say "yes the cancer was there, it was contained in the uterus and we got it all", it was the longest sentence I think I've ever heard, to my mind it was like slow motion, I remember looking at Rob & I started to cry, for the first time in a long time they were happy tears & I knew we can finally start enjoying life again.
I'm still in hospital till Wednesday, the nurses are lovely, the food of course being hospital food is horrible.
I'm very lonely in here, I haven't had many visitors, just Rob, my brother inlaw & sister inlaw & my aunty, tomorrow I have a friend coming in to see me which will be good.

Night time is the hardest, I have a beautiful view and I can see for miles, at night time it looks so beautiful with all the lights, but with everything I'm going through its hard to stay strong and when I'm alone at night time I spend a lot of time crying, I'm struggling to cope but I will get through it.

Love always
Mandy
Xoxo

Of all the fairytales, ours is my favourite...

Rob & I have been together for 9 years this October and I wouldn't trade not even one second I've spent with him.
He is the greatest man I have ever met, I Love him with all my heart.
We have had our fair shares of ups and downs but through it all we have remained strong & in love.
Rob is a wonderful gentle caring man, his always there for me, he holds my hand through all my Dr & specialist appointments. He is the one person I can always count on.
There has been times where I struggled to get out of bed even just for a shower & robs helped me.
No matter what sort of day I'm having, a cuddle from rob always makes it better, in his arms I know I am safe & loved.
So as I lay here only a few hours before I go to hospital for my surgery, I can't help but think of all the things I have been through in my life & I can honestly say the best is still to come, 18th October next year on our 10 year anniversary Rob & I are getting married.
That will be the happiest day of my life.
Thank you hunny for always being there for me. For making me warm when I am cold, safe when I am scared, beautiful even when I'm having a bad hair day but most of all thank you for being you & loving me for who I am.
I used to read fairytales when I was a kid and I can honestly say...
Of all the fairytales, Ours is my favourite and there's still more to come.

Love always
Mandy xoxo

One week to go till my Cancer Surgery...

Well time is moving so fast, i only have one week to go till my Cancer surgery and to be honest I'm terrified. I thought it would get easier as it got closer, but i was wrong, it all hurts so much. Everyone is expecting me to be strong & positive, but how can i be strong when im shattered?
It seems the standard things people say to me these days is either "You'll be right"or "Stay Strong", Ive had enough, Im heart broken, shattered, scared & most times when im alone i cry for hours.
I can only be strong for so long and ive had enough of people expecting me to be fine all the time, they dont know how hard it is for me to not crumble. Just because they dont see my tears, doesnt mean i dont cry, just because they dont see my pain doesnt mean its not there everyday.
Some days i dont even want to get out of bed but i make myself get up and face the day.
Im so sick of people telling me "everything happens for a reason" it makes me want to reply with "Really? whats the reason i have Cancer" but instead to keep them happy i just say "Yeah i know".
I know I put on a brave face but to be honest I'm struggling to cope with it all.
So please even though I know its the standard thing to say to someone going through a hard time please done tell me to be strong or stay positive because sometimes all anyone going through what I am going through wants to do is cry.
Love always
Mandy
xoxo

2 weeks to go...

Only 2 weeks to go till my surgery then I will be CANCER FREE...
Im looking forward to being able to enjoy life again, ive decided to make a "Life List" of things i want to do after my surgery.
Here is the things i have on my list:

Do the sydney Harbour Bridge climb
See Australia's BIG things

See Uluru

Snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef

Meet a Tiger & Lion at the Melbourne Zoo

Go on a aeroplane

Drive the Great Ocean Road

Go to Craigs Hut

Drive the Kidman Way

Tour Tasmania

See where McLeods Daughters was filmed

Rob is taking me on a Romantic weekend away in september to celebrate a year since we got engaged. Im so excited and looking forward to it, We arent going to tell anyone where we are going so that way it can be just Rob & I. 

Its been along time since i was able to enjoy life pain free & im looking forward to it.

If theres anything you would like to suggest i put on my Life List please feel free to comment or email me at rockbartonbaker@gmail.com

Love Always
Mandy