Well time is moving so fast, i only have one week to go till my Cancer surgery and to be honest I'm terrified. I thought it would get easier as it got closer, but i was wrong, it all hurts so much. Everyone is expecting me to be strong & positive, but how can i be strong when im shattered?
It seems the standard things people say to me these days is either "You'll be right"or "Stay Strong", Ive had enough, Im heart broken, shattered, scared & most times when im alone i cry for hours.
I can only be strong for so long and ive had enough of people expecting me to be fine all the time, they dont know how hard it is for me to not crumble. Just because they dont see my tears, doesnt mean i dont cry, just because they dont see my pain doesnt mean its not there everyday.
Some days i dont even want to get out of bed but i make myself get up and face the day.
Im so sick of people telling me "everything happens for a reason" it makes me want to reply with "Really? whats the reason i have Cancer" but instead to keep them happy i just say "Yeah i know".
I know I put on a brave face but to be honest I'm struggling to cope with it all.
So please even though I know its the standard thing to say to someone going through a hard time please done tell me to be strong or stay positive because sometimes all anyone going through what I am going through wants to do is cry.
Love always
Mandy
xoxo
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