Just a quick update... 3 months Cancer free

Sorry i havent written for a few weeks, Ive had a lot on my mind but not sure where to start...
Well i had my first 3 month tests done, to be honest they hurt a bit, they just arent a little bit uncomfortable. Well the good thing is i only have to have them done every 3 months &so far i am CANCER free for a bit over 3 months.
Im slowly starting to enjoy life again im still taking it one day at a time and im trying my hardest to not get upset about my scar or the fact that i cant do everything i used to do before my surgery, Im slowly building my fitness back up, today i did my first 5km walk since the surgery, Im so proud, when i got home i only had a small amount of pain and im looking forward to going a little further tomorrow, Im hoping to be able to slowly build it up to more than 10kms.
So much has happened in the last few weeks since i wrote.
I still have nightmares and am struggling to sleep more than a few hours each night, They are horrible nightmares that feel so realistic, most times when i have the nightmares i wake up with tears flowing freely. I still dont like my scar and think its ugly, i cant look at myself but im slowly trying to train my mind to not think of it as a ugly reminder that my body let me down but instead to view it as a beautiful reminder than i am string and make it through anything.
Im hoping that with time my scar will fade and so will my hatred for it, its just another thing i have to take it one day at a time and hopefully one i will wake up and the scar wont be the first thing on my mind.
Cancer is never far from my mind either, with every ache or pain my body has i stress and get worried that its the cancer returning to another part of my body. Hopefully thats one thing that will change in time.
I recently went to the funeral of a close family friend who sadly lost her life due to cancer, She was a beautiful lady who used to know my grandfather and grandmother, She had lived a full and happy life surrounded by a wonderful family full of her children, grand children & great grand children, the funeral was a beautiful service and a lovely goodbye to her.
So i was wondering if i could ask my readers who are religious to please pray for comfort for her family as they really are lovely people.
May her soul rest in peace.
I have a beautiful braclet that Rob brought me for my 1st month cancer free, he got it engraved with SURVIVOR 19-04-2013 which is the date i was told they got all my cancer and i am now cancer free, I wear it daily to remind me that I am a survivor. Thats the photo of the braclet at the top as well as the beautiful red rose Rob brought me for my 3 month cancerversary.
I still struggle with not being able to have own our baby, Before my surgery i knew it would hit me but i dont think i ever realised just how hard it would be. Hopefully that will get easier as well.
I still have my life list that i will complete but i need to get my life back on track and my fitness back in order first and im slowly taking the steps to do that, the feeling i had tonight when i got home from my walk was a feeling i have missed, it was a feeling of pride.
We have my little sister living with us now as well, I now have someone to workout with and to come on walks with Obi and i, its been a adjustment having someone else living with us but we are figuring it all out and to be honest its been good to have someone to work out with.

I promise to try to write more regularly, but thank you to those who emailed me to check to see if i was alright and let me know your missing my blog.
Anyway i better be off now, its 3am here.
Love always
Mandy
xoxo