So its now less than a year before we get married, YAY!
We are getting married next year on our 10 year anniversary, Im so excited.
time for me to kick my weightloss up a few gears, I want to be healthy and fit on my wedding day and of course i want to look awesome and not look like a blimp.
Some people still ask me how im coping with everything and its hard to tell people how im really coping with it all so instead i have found myself putting on the fake smile and telling everyone "I'm fine", which of course is not the full truth however i have found its what people are more comfortable with. The truth is each day is still a struggle for me to cope, every bit of pain or weird feeling i get, my mind instantly stresses and thinks "Oh no please dont be back, i dont want to die", so instead i try to keep myself busy, I hate that I still live with that fear everyday. I struggle a little bit still trying to do some normal day to day things and I still get a little bit pain from day to day but im learning my body's limits and im finally listening to it.
Do you ever have those dreams that feel so real that when you wake you expect it to be like it was in the dream? I am constantly haunted by not being able to have children, it seems to enter my dreams alot and turns them into nightmares. I still struggle to cope with the fact that i cant have children and to be honest some days and nights are harder than others, I wake up alot of times at night but im slowly making my way through it and i know that with each day that goes by im getting better and with every step i take my body is getting stronger, Im still not as fit as i was before my surgery but at least the numbers are heading back in the right direction, After my surgery i gained a bit of weight because my emotional eating was going off and i was on bed rest and could hardly do anything, i weighed in last week and im finally under what i weighed on the day of my surgery, I have lost 17.7kgs in the past 6 months and im so proud.
Between now and my wedding day i want to lose 50kgs+ and im super determined to do it.
Im sorry i havent written in a bit over a month, to be honest, i hit rock bottom for a while but im fighting back now and i hope to write more frequently.
Thank you to all those who emailed me to see if i was alright when i hadnt written, The amount of lovely emails i received helped me out in some of my darkest moments. Sometimes i forget that this blog has so many readers.
Anyway i better be off now.
See you again soon
Love always
Mandy
time for me to kick my weightloss up a few gears, I want to be healthy and fit on my wedding day and of course i want to look awesome and not look like a blimp.
Some people still ask me how im coping with everything and its hard to tell people how im really coping with it all so instead i have found myself putting on the fake smile and telling everyone "I'm fine", which of course is not the full truth however i have found its what people are more comfortable with. The truth is each day is still a struggle for me to cope, every bit of pain or weird feeling i get, my mind instantly stresses and thinks "Oh no please dont be back, i dont want to die", so instead i try to keep myself busy, I hate that I still live with that fear everyday. I struggle a little bit still trying to do some normal day to day things and I still get a little bit pain from day to day but im learning my body's limits and im finally listening to it.
Do you ever have those dreams that feel so real that when you wake you expect it to be like it was in the dream? I am constantly haunted by not being able to have children, it seems to enter my dreams alot and turns them into nightmares. I still struggle to cope with the fact that i cant have children and to be honest some days and nights are harder than others, I wake up alot of times at night but im slowly making my way through it and i know that with each day that goes by im getting better and with every step i take my body is getting stronger, Im still not as fit as i was before my surgery but at least the numbers are heading back in the right direction, After my surgery i gained a bit of weight because my emotional eating was going off and i was on bed rest and could hardly do anything, i weighed in last week and im finally under what i weighed on the day of my surgery, I have lost 17.7kgs in the past 6 months and im so proud.
Between now and my wedding day i want to lose 50kgs+ and im super determined to do it.
Im sorry i havent written in a bit over a month, to be honest, i hit rock bottom for a while but im fighting back now and i hope to write more frequently.
Thank you to all those who emailed me to see if i was alright when i hadnt written, The amount of lovely emails i received helped me out in some of my darkest moments. Sometimes i forget that this blog has so many readers.
Anyway i better be off now.
See you again soon
Love always
Mandy
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