An open letter to my beautiful friend Brooke....

Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if heaven had facebook?

Imagine if you could send someone a inbox message, letter or email to let them know that you miss them even though they are gone?
So here is my open letter to my friend Brooklyn Richardson, she sadly lost her life when she was on her way to work on the 4th of December 2012, She was killed when her car hit a tree. Brooke died due to texting and driving, She was only 20 years old, at the bottom of this post is a youtube video that Brookes mum Vicki made of photos of Brooke.
Please dont let Brookes death be in vain, please tell your loved ones about the Dont txt n drive foundation that Brookes family put together to help spread the message, you can find their facebook page by copying this link into your browser bar:
https://www.facebook.com/dont.tx.n.drive

and their website is:

http://www.dont-txt-n-drive.com/

No matter what always remember No text message is worth your life.

Dear my beautiful friend Brooke, 

You werent on this earth for very long, however in the short time you were here you touched more lives than you will ever know.
You were such a beautiful girl with a cheeky smile & a heart of gold, If someone knew you then they were lucky enough to have a true friend. 

I have so much that I wish I could thank you for but I think I would be writing for a long time and well maybe this letter would never be finished. 

Thank you for making me laugh when I told you I had been diagnosed with cancer, you were the only one who didnt give me the "poor you look", instead you made it your mission to make me laugh and even now when I think of that moment it still brings a smile to my face.
Thank you for the many moments when you would just appear when I was working out & for the way you made the workouts fun. 

I have kept my promise to you and I beat the cancer, Im still going to the gym and im getting my health back on track.
In just 16 weeks im getting married, I wish so much that you could be there even just for 5 minutes so we could take the silly selfie photo together that you made me promise to let you take with me in my wedding dress.
Even though you wont be there on my wedding day and wont be able to take the silly selfie photo with me, I will keep your promise and I will take the photo for you.
I will miss you Brooke 

Love Always
Mandy

xoxo

Hello 5am I wish I could sleep...

So here I am another night that I still haven't been to sleep yet because Ive got to much on my mind, it's 5am and I'm wide awake with a thousand thoughts running through my brain and they all have 2 things in common... Our Wedding & stress...

We still have a lot of things to get for the wedding and a lot of things to pay for, which of course is a lot of stressing because we are trying to pay for them & live off just Robs wage because I still haven't found a job, I do my photography but that's just casual. 

With the cost of the wedding & all our bills we have come to the realisation that we can't afford a honeymoon so we aren't going on a honeymoon. 

We have had to cut costs so much in our wedding just because we simply can't afford it.

We are doing pretty much everything DIY for the wedding and hopefully it all comes together perfectly.

My mum has helped out as much as she can and we are very thankful to her for helping. 

The wedding is getting closer and there's still so much to pay for & the bills just keep rolling in. 

As much as I would love to have a honeymoon I am just happy to be finally marrying the love of my life and how perfect is it that it's on our 10 year anniversary that we are getting married.

Well hopefully I will get some sleep soon.

Goodnight & sweet dreams

Love always 

Mandy

xoxo

The scoop was at the TOP!

Today was my weigh in day, as I stepped on the scales today I was nervous and wishing that the numbers would be smaller, They were. This week ive lost 500 grams, its not much but im happy with it because at least the numbers are going down again.

I try not to get caught up stressing over the scales and yet every week i find myself stressing and hoping that the work i have put in has been enough to bring the numbers down and if it hasnt and the numbers have gone up or stayed the same i get very annoyed at myself and of course the scales.
Ive learned along the way that the numbers dont always come down and you have to learn to be ok with that, when losing weight it is important to build muscle and tone up at the same time or you will end up with lose yukky skin. Despite what alot of people say, Muscle does NOT weigh heavier than fat, 1kg is 1kg no matter what it is. The difference is muscle doesnt take up as much room, so if you weigh the same please dont be disheartened.

I had something very rare happen tonight, when i got home after the gym i opened my protein shake and the scoop was at the top, I know to those who dont have protein shakes you will probably think i have gone mad by being excited over something so small but those of you who do have protein shakes im sure will appreciate my excitement over finding the scoop at the top. 

Well in my last blog i did tell you that i am enjoying the little things in life, Finding the scoop at the top was a extra little bit of happiness today.
Anyway ive had a few people ask for my blog to have more photos in it so here is a new up to date photo of me, it was taken yesterday when i was shopping for my new knee brace, Which i might add is a total pain in the arse to workout with. 

 Love always
Mandy

I got my scan results for my knee

Im learning to look at my scar not as something ugly that marks my body but as something to wear with pride, Its a constant reminder to live & enjoy life.
I can slowly feel myself coming back, Im starting to enjoy life again and now I cry a little bit less.
I still have my moments of weakness but one of the many lessons i have learnt since i first got diagnosed with cancer, all through my surgery and my recovery is I really am stronger than i ever imagined i could be, I see it as i have 2 choices I either suck it up and find a way through it or i could just give up, I choose to suck it up and find a way to keep going ive never been a quitter and im sure as hell not going to be one now, I beat cancer, surely that means that i can beat anything?
I still find myself putting on a fake smile some days to please everyone else but those days are becoming more and more less.
Im finding ways to find the fun in life again and in turn im slowly finding me again.
I really enjoy the small things alot these days, something as simple as listening to rain on the tin roof & the smell of eucalyptus leaves reminds me of growing up on my grandpas farm when I was younger, that was the one place that no matter where I was or what i was doing, it always felt like home, I miss that feeling alot.
Its getting closer to my wedding, only 122 days to now, Im so excited but at the same time im nervous, Im worried i wont lose enough fat and will look horrible on my wedding day, Im worried that something will ruin the day for Rob & I, It is our 10 year anniversary on our wedding day.
Im still going to the gym 6 days a week and trying really hard to lose weight, sometimes my numbers go down on the scales, sometimes they go up and then there is times when the numbers dont change at all. I am limited at the moment with what i can do at the gym, I got my scan results today and I have torn 2 ligaments in my right knee...it hurts like hell, however I still keep going to the gym and have modified my workout so its less strain on my knee, I have to have it braced at the moment and if its not better in 2 weeks my dr is sending me for a MRI scan...Fingers crossed it gets better soon.
Wish me luck
Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

A loving family even just for 4 minutes...Is it to much to ask...

When planning a Wedding as a Bride you get super excited and every little detail can either be fun or incredibly stressful, Im enjoying every detail of it but there are a few things that are upsetting me. 

Nearly every wedding I have been to the Bride has been able to do a Father Daughter Dance but yet with my Wedding cant do that because my father and i dont talk & as you would know if you have read my blog post called "One last call" it is unfixable, after everything that he said and done, nothing he has ever said hurt as much as when he didnt believe me I had cancer.

My mum and dad are divorced and dont get along at all, a lot of the times when i was growing up i felt like i was in the middle, but no matter what my mum has always been there for me.

So i find myself having those moments when i just want a "normal family", just for 1 day, even just for a few moments. 

When I was a little girl and thought of my Wedding I always dreamed of something out of a story book, everyone getting along, yummy food, lots of candles, fairylights everywhere, a happy bride & groom, a loving family and of course a father daughter dance, On my wedding day I wont be able to do a father daughter dance and well it makes me sad. 

Is it to much to ask for to have a normal caring family for even just 4 minutes, just 1 song?

I seen my dad last week in wodonga, it was so hard running into him and upset me a lot.

I still dont understand how a father can turn their back on their only daughter when they are going through cancer and even though now that im cancer free, the pain of having my dad turn his back on me, is still there. 

Love Always

Mandy 

xoxo