Im learning to look at my scar not as something ugly that marks my body but as something to wear with pride, Its a constant reminder to live & enjoy life.
I can slowly feel myself coming back, Im starting to enjoy life again and now I cry a little bit less.
I still have my moments of weakness but one of the many lessons i have learnt since i first got diagnosed with cancer, all through my surgery and my recovery is I really am stronger than i ever imagined i could be, I see it as i have 2 choices I either suck it up and find a way through it or i could just give up, I choose to suck it up and find a way to keep going ive never been a quitter and im sure as hell not going to be one now, I beat cancer, surely that means that i can beat anything?
I still find myself putting on a fake smile some days to please everyone else but those days are becoming more and more less.
Im finding ways to find the fun in life again and in turn im slowly finding me again.
I really enjoy the small things alot these days, something as simple as listening to rain on the tin roof & the smell of eucalyptus leaves reminds me of growing up on my grandpas farm when I was younger, that was the one place that no matter where I was or what i was doing, it always felt like home, I miss that feeling alot.
Its getting closer to my wedding, only 122 days to now, Im so excited but at the same time im nervous, Im worried i wont lose enough fat and will look horrible on my wedding day, Im worried that something will ruin the day for Rob & I, It is our 10 year anniversary on our wedding day.
Im still going to the gym 6 days a week and trying really hard to lose weight, sometimes my numbers go down on the scales, sometimes they go up and then there is times when the numbers dont change at all. I am limited at the moment with what i can do at the gym, I got my scan results today and I have torn 2 ligaments in my right knee...it hurts like hell, however I still keep going to the gym and have modified my workout so its less strain on my knee, I have to have it braced at the moment and if its not better in 2 weeks my dr is sending me for a MRI scan...Fingers crossed it gets better soon.
Wish me luck
Love Always
Mandy
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment