I lost weight & had a snake in the house....

Yesterday was weigh in day for me and im happy to say the numbers are going back down again after my allergic reaction. My new weight is 143.4kgs so i lost 1.9kgs this week.

On the weekend we had a brown snake in our house, I went to walk in the back door, Obi growled at me and shoved me out of the way thats when i looked down and saw the snake.
It had Rob, Obi & i trapped in the dinning room. I grabbed a framed photo and put it in the door way to stop it coming in to the dinning room then i climbed on the dinning table to make sure i didnt get bitten, I called 000 and the police finally came, they rang me when they were on their way to let me know they were giving my mum permission to come in and shoot the snake, Here in Australia it is illegal to harm, trap or kill a snake unless its endangering human life.
When they got here we couldnt find the snake anymore and they called a snake catcher who took over 2 hours to get to us even though he only lives 40mins away, He was totally useless and when he got here the first thing he asked me was "had i harmed the snake" i was like "are you serious? if i hadve harmed the snake it would be dead and you wouldnt have had to come out".
He didnt catch the snake but still expected to be paid $150... Considering he didnt catch the snake and it was inside the next day there is no way im paying him 1cent.
At least i know where it was coming inside, it was coming under the back door, so we have "fixed" that now, Rob siliconed the bottom of the door so the snake cant get back in.
On the plus side though we met our neighbours who are nice, We went over to let them know we have a snake problem cause we were worried about their kids playing in their back yard incase the snake goes in there.

So here is a Add for you all
FREE: one very "friendly brown snake,
you catch at your own risk & do whatever you want with it
as long as you take it away from my house

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

My Godfather, My Guardian Angel...

This is a photo of my uncle Rossi who is also one of my godfathers.

Sadly on the 4th of April 1988 he was tragicly killed in a car accident on his way to see me, He was only 24 years old. This year on the 22nd of July would be his 50th birthday and sadly he wont be here to celebrate.
I dont remember much about him but i remember the important things.
Like his smell, i have no idea what the name of it was but i could pick that scent out anywhere because when i smell it, it brings back a memory i have of him picking me up laughing and throwing me in the air when i was only little.
I remember his smile and laugh, I remember that even though he was really tall i always felt safe in his arms & he gave the best cuddles.
I still remember when my mum told me that he wouldnt be coming to see me anymore and that he had gone to heaven, I was only 3 years old and for a long time i didnt understand where he was.
He had a beautiful fiancée named Allison at the time and i still remember the way he used to look at her, You could tell he loved her with all his heart and that she was his world, Im lucky to see that look again only now its when Rob looks at me. 
It took me many years to understand that Rossi had died, when i was little i remember so many times i would ask my mum why we got to see Aunty Al but Uncle Rossi was not with her when she would come to visit and mum would have to explain it to me again.
He had a heart of gold, he was kind, gentle & caring, he was the kind of Godfather that every little girl should have.
All my life i have blamed myself for Rossi's death even though i was only 3 years old when he died and i wasnt driving the car that hit them, he was coming to see me.
For many years i lost touch with Allison but a few years ago i was lucky enough to have her come back into my life again.
She has a beautiful family and a great husband, they have made both Rob and i feel very welcome in there lives. Its great to see that shes found happiness and love in her life after such a tragic moment and i know Rossi would be happy to see her smiling again.
A couple of years ago she gave me the Engagement ring the Rossi proposed to her with, it is now my most treasured possession and i wear it on a necklace around my neck so its always close to my heart.
Rossi has been gone now for 25 years, he has missed alot of my life and theres been alot of times when ive needed him, I know if he could be there he would and the times i need him his never really far away i just cant see him anymore.
I visit his grave alot, its my "quiet place" and even though its hard to go there, in a way it brings me comfort so i try to take over some flowers at least once a fortnight and i sit and talk to the headstone for a bit, I feel weird talking to the headstone but its the only way i can talk to him.

I hope he is proud of the woman i have grown up to be.

If i could have one wish on my wedding day it would be an easy one to make, I would wish for him to be there to see me marry the love of my life.

Even though i was only 3 years old when he died, he left a imprint on my life that will last a lifetime

Rest In Peace Uncle Rossi
I Love & miss you very much
My Godfather for a short time
Now my Guardian Angel for a lifetime.


Love always
Mandy
xoxo

30 days to change...I WILL DO THIS

So today i brought my Engagement party outfit. Its a bit over a size to small and i have 30 days till my Engagement party so the way i see it, thats at least 30 workouts, 30 walks, lots swimming and of course lots of water & healthy eating.
Ive done great with my weight loss so far but i figure with me putting it on here, if i fail then its not just me im letting down its all my readers too and that gives me that little bit of extra motivation i need and also might help motivate others. 

So here is my promise to you all:
I will not eat "Junk" or anything unhealthy from today till my Engagement party,
I will give up my once a week Dare ice coffee (them i will miss)
I will workout everyday
I will walk everyday
I will swim more 
I will drink more water


30 days till the new me.
I can do this and i will do this.

So stay tuned and i will keep you updated.

Starting weight 145.3kgs 

Im nervous and worried that i wont be able to lose enough weight but im going to give it one hell of a go.

Thank you all for the support. 
Love always
Mandy
xoxo

My Cowboy Guardian Angel

So today was the 10 year anniversary of my best friends death and i survived the day with only a few tears this year, which is the first time since he died.
His name was Jarrod, he was only 23 years old when he died tragicly in a car accident only a little over a month before my 18th birthday.
The very first time i met him he was riding a massive white horse with black spots and he was so proudly shirtless, my mum told me there was a cowboy outside to meet me. 
When i went outside i cracked up laughing, he was so proudly covered in cow poo.
He was as rough as sand paper on the outside but had a heart of gold, little did i know then how much of a impact he would have on my life.
To me he was more like a big brother than just my best friend, He was the type of friend who could make me smile even when i felt like crying or could make me furious with just one sentence.
From that day on we became best mates and my life would never be the same again.
He used to do some stupid things though to make me laugh, Thats him in the photo at the top of this blog, He dressed up in my clothes one night when i was feeling a bit down, He did it just to make me smile, thats the type of guy he was. 
There was also a time when he dug up my mums tulips and planted sunflowers outside my window just to make me smile. 
That memory still brings a smile to my face. 
Whenever we would argue he would do the most annoying things to make me talk to him again, When i was studying at tafe he came into the classroom and refused to leave until i agreed to have lunch with him because he was bored and had the day off work. 
I can still remember the look on my tafe teachers face, she was not impressed. 
Some of the most mischievous & sometimes dangerous moments of my life were with him & yet the only time i would change would be the last time i saw him, If i could do that day again i would call him back for one last hug and tell him not to go.
He was the one friend that even if we were in a argument and i didnt want to talk to him, he would still come over to my place everyday just to sit and watch tv with me even though i didnt want to talk to him, His theory was he could sit there in silence just to spend time with me and on the off chance i would forgive him for what ever stupid thing he had done, Sitting in silence was defiantly not his strong point and of course it never took me very long to for me to start talking to him. 
The last memory i have of him is the day he died, i spent the afternoon with him that day and even though i was sad that he was going we still laughed, had fun & of course watched the awesome cowboy movie called  "8 Seconds", We watched my dvd of that movie that many times im surprised it still works.f
The last conversation i had with him we were sitting on the back of his ute and made a promise to meet up at the start of the Nullarbor for our birthday, his birthday is the day after mine. 
Sadly that promise was one he never kept as it was only a few hours later that he died. 
During our many conversations he would talk so proudly of his sisters and brothers, he was such a proud big brother and loved them so much. 
Im not sure if he ever told them but all you had to do was mention family and he would light up when he spoke of his siblings although he lived along way away from them they were never far from his mind.
I remember the moment i was told he had died, to me it felt like i had lost a part of myself, to me he was like a big brother and i felt like my world had ended. 
When i went into my room that night to go to sleep, i was angry, hurt & shattered. 
I pulled the blankets back on my bed hoping to climb into my comfy warm queen size water bed and there on my brand new white silk sheets was Jarrods last message to me in massive permanent black marker he had written "Jarrod was here" 
I remember instantly i smiled through my tears, i was so annoyed that he had done it but at the same time it kind of gave me comfort. That night like many other nights after i cried myself to sleep.
I didnt go to his funeral, i still lived at home, didnt have my licence and my mum wouldnt take me, so i had no way of getting there. It hurt like hell that he was gone but then i didnt get to say goodbye made it harder.
I struggled extremely hard to let anyone else get close to me again after that,
I pushed away alot of friends because i thought that anyone who got close i would lose and i couldnt handle the pain of losing another friend & i still find it hard even now to open up and let people in.
I finally went to visit Jarrods grave a couple of years ago with my Fiancé Rob, my big brother inlaw and sister inlaw.
That was a hard day, I suppose looking back now because i had the last day with him and he was going travelling so i said goodbye but it wasnt really a goodbye it was more a see you later goodbye, so when Rob suggested that we go to Wonthaggi and visit Jarrods grave i wasnt sure if i would be able to do it, after many years of rob asking me every year on either Jarrods anniversary or his birthday if i wanted to go i finally gave in.
That day driving to Wonthaggi for the first time, it felt almost like a dream, it was like i was expecting to see him there instead of a name on a nice plaque. 
I was quiet all the way (which for me is very strange) i just looked out the window and took in the coountry side.
When we pulled into the cemetery my heart was racing, It was a cold day and it was Jarrods birthday, the sea wind was so cold on my cheeks, the ground was damp & i could smell the sea air.
Rob & his big brother helped me find Jarrods grave, As i turned the corner to walk down the aisle i seen his name and my heart stopped and i sank to the ground crying. 
I had told Rob before we got there that i felt i needed to be alone for a while when we found the grave, I know walking away that day and leaving me crying on the ground was hard for Rob but i wanted to do it by myself.
I really dont think i wouldve ever gone there if it wasnt for the support of Rob.
We have been back a few times and when we go to Melbourne we try to make a trip out to Wonthaggi to put some flowers on Jarrods grave.
Jarrod is buried beside his father who sadly passed away a couple of days after Jarrod, the grave plaques are nice with the rm williams bull horns on them, its something that Jarrod would love.
To this day i still miss him and to talk about him still brings a tear to my eye, but today is the first time in years that i only cried a few tears, This year i made a point in remembering the good fun times we had instead of that his gone.  
Im hoping that one day Rob and i will get to go to the Nullarbor & then i will be able to dance on the border like Jarrod and i had planned.
I hope he can see me on my Wedding day when i marry the love of my life Rob, I wish that he had gotten to meet Rob, but im sure if he can see me now he would know how happy i am and that i have finally found "My One". 
Ive needed him so much over the past 10 years and the last year and a bit has been the toughest with me fighting Cancer, Even though i can not see him anymore im sure he is still with me as i carry him with me in my memories.
He was a rough but gentle cowboy who had a heart of gold.
I will share more memories about Jarrod with you all but this is enough for now as remembering brings many tears to my eyes.
May he forever Rest In Peace.

Love Always

Mandy
xoxo

Some pics of my weight loss Journey...

So ive had a few people who read my blog find me on facebook and ask me to post some of my weight loss journey photos on here for them to see... So as they were requested here they are... When im down to 140kgs i will be doing a new photo as well so stay tuned cause its coming soon....

YAY! I lost weight this week..

Im still very swollen and in alot of pain due to not only the Allergic reaction to the dye they used for my CT scan but also i have PCOS and the Dr broke one of my Cysts when examining me when i was in hospital. The Dr I seen yesterday just rang me to see how im feeling and to tell me the swelling and pain should start to ease tomorrow, Im on bed rest & have to stay off my feet as much as possible including exercise till at least friday... Im going to be one Cranky B!tch by friday.
I get very cranky & snappy when i dont get to exercise.
But on a brighter note when i weighed in this morning my new weight is 142.6kgs So ive lost 1.3kgs this week and im happy with that. Im finally nearly under 140, not long to go now.
I was hoping to be under 140kgs by my Engagement party which is a bit over 5 weeks away, I know i will be under 140kgs so im going to smash that goal, My next goal is to be under 130kgs by my birthday 15th March. I, sure i will achieve that goal to.
See i have found not only do you have to eat properly and exercise regularly to lose weight but also set realistic goals for yourself, I set small goals month by month so its more achievable and there for it helps keep me motivated.
Im loving seeing the numbers go down not only on the scale but also on my clothes sizes too.

OMG funny story that i must share so you to can have a giggle...
Well we got our car fixed, It was the Alternator & the other day it was to hot to walk to the pool so i drove the car to the pool, I was so excited, i havent driven our statesman for a few weeks because its been broken but also because normally Rob drives it not me, Well when i was driving to the pool i noticed how much better it was steering since i last drove it, So i was talking to a mate and he asked how the car was since the Rutherglen Auto Electric fixed it, I told him so excitedly "It drives so much better now & the steering is amazing" Well need less to say my mate cracked up laughing at me and informed me that the Alternator has nothing to do with the steering, The steering is better because ive lost weight and have heaps of room between my tummy and steering wheel now. I felt like the biggest idiot but i was happy at the same time, I never realised just how much my weight impacted normal day to day things in my life until he said that.
So the moral to the story is, If your car breaks take it to the Rutherglen Auto Electric Guy cause his fantastic and can fix just about anything but also even the car knows when you lose weight.

Im noticing little things with my weight loss, like now when i drive the car i need to move the seat forward and i have the room to do it, my moods are alot better when eating healthy, my skin isnt getting as many pimples, people arent staring at me as much and ive even had strangers comment on my weight loss in the super market or at the pool. I can fit more clothes in my wardrobe now because there isnt as much material in them. So i guess in the last year i have learnt, the saying "Small things one day will mean BIG things" really is true.

Remember you can do anything you put your mind to and if you ever doubt yourself just look where i started and remember my saying that i tell myself when things are getting tough "You can do this, Just Breathe"

Love Always

Mandy
xoxo

Oh great now i have a allergic reaction...

This morning at 2am i ended up in Wodonga Hospital because i was having trouble breathing,
They hooked me up to a few machines and tested my heart & lungs to make sure i hadnt had a heart attack, that good those tests came back ok, They sent me for a CT scan & chest xrays.
Turns out it was all caused by stress and dehydration.
While i was in there the Dr asked me standard question that they have to ask before you get a CT scan or xrays done... "are you pregnant?" that question hit me like a brick wall, i told him No then he asked if im sure, i so felt like ripping his head off for asking but he was just doing his job.
They had to put in a central line to put fluids back in my body, When the Dr was putting in my central line, it hurt like hell, he was not gentle at all.
When i went for my CT scan, the tech used my central line to put some dye in my blood to get a clearer scan, the first lot of dye went through my body very quick and he didnt get a clear photo so he put more dye in, this time the tube off my central line burst off and the dye, Fluids and my blood went everywhere  hmm What a nightmare it was & it left me feeling very light headed and in alot of pain.
When they finally said i could go home, Rob and i came home about 7am & went straight to sleep after being up all night, When i woke up at 12:30 i felt itchy all over, very swollen and in pain, Then i realised i had a red itchy rash all over my body, I showed Rob and rang the CT people they told me to come straight back up to the hospital because i was having a allergic reaction which is rare.
When we got up to the hospital, they took us pretty much straight through. A Dr checked me over and yep its a bad allergic reaction. Hmm just what i need. They put me on some pills to take away the pain and stop it getting worse. I also had to get some Chalomine lotion to stop the itching.
When we came home i put some on and it stoped a bit of the itching, The Dr said it will take a few days for the swelling to go down. Today i have beem sleeping on & off and yet i still feel tired.

So there goes my exercise routine this week, Its painful to even stand on my legs.

Anyway im off to relax and watch a movie with Rob

Love Always

Mandy
xoxo

Im Back into my fitness after a weekend off..

Tonight i got back into my walking again, after having a couple of days off.
Obi and i walked 10kms tonight in 1 hour and 50 minutes, It was awesome to get back into my normal routine again. Im sore now though but as they say "a sore body today is a stronger body tomorrow"
I still cant believe that it was only a year ago i was struggling to walk 500 meters and now i can do 10kms.
YAY GO ME!!! 

We have our Engagement party in 39days, im started to get more excited about it but stressed at the same time. This week i am going to try on 2 dresses and im hoping at least 1 of them fit and look good. I dont normally wear dresses so it will be a nice change.
I hope we have a good night. Theres a few people that cant come that are important to me so im a bit sad about that, it wouldve been good to have them there. 

Sorry that my blog is boring tonight, im very tired, i will write another one tomorrow. 

Love Always 

Mandy

xoxo

Oh no Im Human too

So today i woke up and my whole body was so sore, every muscle was aching, but i was proud of myself for the amount of exercise and effort i put in this week. I ate a couple slices of pizza & a glass of solo tonight for tea and now i have the "Guilts". Ive been going really good with my weight loss and healthy eating. I know it sounds stupid but im disappointed in myself. But no matter what i will burn it off, Im going swimming tomorrow and i will put in extra effort.

My biggest challenge when it comes to losing weight isn’t someone else, it’s the ache in my lungs, the burn in my muscles and the voice inside my head that tells me to give up because I cant lose weight, But ive finally learnt not to listen to it, To tell my body to suck it up and keep going, to push myself that little bit further and harder.
Im discovering the person I thought I was Is no match for the woman I am inside.
So i slipped up and ate some crap, thats not going to put me back, It gives me a extra reason to work that little bit harder.
No matter what those numbers are coming down this week 

Im making myself FIT, 

Im making myself STRONG, 

Im making myself BEAUITFUL, 

Im making myself CONFIDENT

& IM GOING TO SHINE!!!

Love Always
Mandy

xoxo

Just a quick one, My screen shot of my walk tonight.

So today was another good day for me and exercise, I did 2 hours swimming at the local pool and then tonight i went on another 10km walk with my husky. So here is a photo of the screen shot from my walk. 

After swimming at the pool for so long i was buggered and i was still sore from my 10km walk last night but im so proud of myself for walking another 10kms tonight, My time tonight was better than last night,.
Last night there was a nice cool breeze which felt so nice, Tonight it was a hot, muggy sticky heat. 

My first 10km walk...

The photo at the top is a screen shot from the app i use on my phone to map out my walks and how far i have gone.

When i first started on my weight loss journey in January 2012 i was struggling to walk 500 meters, Now a year later i am a lot fitter and tonight im proud to say my husky and i walked 10kms in 2 hours. Im so proud of myself for doing it. I know that with each step i take im walking away from the woman in the mirror that im not happy with and getting closer to the Fit healthy happy woman i know is inside me.
I weighed in this morning and im so happy with my progress this week.
Last Wednesday i weighed in at 147.5kgs and now today when i weighed in i weigh 143.9kgs. WHOO HOO Go Me! Thats a 3.6kgs weight loss in a week, Im very proud of that and i cant wait till im finally under 140kgs. So look out 140 im coming for you!
Its true it just goes to show that starting with small changes and little bits of exercise you really can achieve alot, If someone hadve told me this time last year that in a years time i would be able to walk 10kms i honestly wouldve thought they were mad. When i looked at the "Map my walk app" i have on my Iphone and i realised i had walked 10kms i was so excited, I havent been able to do that in one walk in about 10years.
I also havent used my Asthma puffer in a month, Slowly my lifestyle change is working, i can not only see myself changing but i also can feel my body changing as well.
Not only is the exercise good for my body and helping me achieve my goal but its great for stress as well.
Im finding on the days i dont workout i get cranky easy but on the days i workout my moods are alot better.
I need to get a boxing bag, Boxing is a awesome workout and of course its a great stress reliever  ;-)

Now that i have figured out how to add photos to my blog i will add some every now and then so those who wish to can follow my progress and i can share a little bit of my life with you.

My blog tonight proves that theres really no excuse for not exercising.
Im fighting Cancer and have heaps of health issues yet i still choose to exercise to strengthen my body and lose weight.
If i can do it you can too, Just remember to start small and work you way up. Every little bit counts, If i hadve given up on my first day then i wouldnt be where i am now and in another years time i hope to be the woman i know deep down i know i can be... Fit, Heathy, Toned, Happy and of course Cancer free...
You just wait and see in a year i will be all those.

Get out there and do it. I dare you.

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

The loss of a dream...

When i first got diagnosed with Uterine Cancer i remember sitting there thinking this cant be happening, they must have got it wrong. I still only remember a little bit of what i was told because when my specialist said the words "You have Cancer" i think my brain instantly switched off & i went numb, I remember the voice popping into my head telling me "dont cry, crying shows weakness", no matter how strong that voice is, i still remember feeling the tears rolling down my face.

We decided we didnt want to tell to many people because we needed our time to deal with it and i also didnt want to upset peoples christmas.
When we started to tell people it was very hard and i lost alot of people, Some friends and some were family. Im not sure which one hurt more to lose.

In May 2012 my specialist in Albury sent me to the Oncology Centre at the Royal Womans Hospital to see what treatment they recommended for my Cancer.  Rob and I sat and listened to everything the Oncology specialist had to say and then the specialist said the only treatment i had a choice off is to have a full hysterectomy,  I was heart broken. Rob and I don’t have any children and we were planning on starting a family until I got Cancer. We weren’t given anytime to think about it or discuss it with just Rob and I, the specialist gave me a massive stack of paperwork and told me to sign them, It was paperwork to have a hysterectomy.
When we left the appointment I felt completely lost, I was shattered. Here we were one minute planning a family and then just like that our dream of a baby was gone with just the click of a pen.
When we got into the elevator Rob cuddled me and I burst into tears, I told him felt like I had let him down by not being able to have a baby, Rob told me that I didn’t let him down and that he would rather have me & that he loves me no matter what. 
When we got home I fell into a deep depression, all I wanted to do was cry or sleep, I felt like I didn’t have any energy to even get out of bed, If it wasn’t for Rob I honestly think I would’ve given up and let the Cancer beat me.
After we had been home a couple of weeks I got a call from the Oncology specialist in Melbourne saying they had reviewed my case again and had decided to try a experimental treatment which is meant to stunt the growth of the Cancer long enough for me to lose weight and for Rob and I to have a baby, I was so excited when I got off the phone, I felt like I had been given back my dream.
We went to see my Albury specialist again and she gave me my first script of the treatment and explained to Rob and I how it would work.  We left there that day, hand in hand as always and with a feeling of hope.
I had been on the treatment a few weeks when the Oncology specialist from Melbourne called me again to see if I had started the treatment yet and explain the side effects, The side effects include possible weight gain, mood swings, nausea, possible thinning of hair, facial hair growth,pain and a few others.
Since starting the treatment I have had all of those side effects but I didn’t care, all I wanted was to beat the Cancer and for Rob and I to be able to have a baby.
Then the surgery’s started, I lost count of how many biopsy’s ive had now since I first got diagnosed a little over 12 months ago. The pain I get from the surgery is bad and everytime it came time to have another biopsy I was always scared I wouldn’t wake up from it so the night before my surgery I normally cant sleep so I would sit up and write letters to those closest to me just incase I didn’t wake up from the surgery. I would always leave Robs for last because it was always the hardest to write, I mean have a think about it what do you write to the love of your life incase you don’t wake up. When I finished the letters I would put them in envelopes with each person’s name on it and put them in my bedside drawer. When I first wrote them I told Rob they were there and that if I didn’t wake up from my surgery to please give them to the people they were for.
Every surgery I have had Rob takes me there and waits for me to come out, He doesn’t leave the hospital he just waits until they tell him I woke up and he can see me.
Ive had a couple of scary moments with my surgery’s,  one of the surgery’s they couldn’t wake me up from it, another one I came out of it with a massive asthma attack and a few other things but the one that scared me the most was my last one because my oxygen levels dropped to low.
I got my latest biopsy results at the end of November last year, Rob and I got the call to go to my specialist in albury, I remember thinking that we were going to get bad news and I was terrified, Then when my specialist told me my Cancer was responding to the treatment and they were going to leave me on the treatment, continue my weight loss and we would be able to have a baby. We walked out of there so happy and of course couldn’t wait to share our wonderful news with everyone.
Then on Friday 7^th December 2012 when Rob was at work, I got the call that we never wanted to get and never expected to get.  It was my Oncology Specialist in Melbourne, He said they had reviewed the biopsy again, my Cancer has responded to the treatment and I have to get it all ripped out to live.
I was shattered, I couldn’t understand how the Oncology specialist could be so cold and heartless in the way he told me. How could they tell us we can have a baby and that my Cancer is responding to treatment and then only 2 weeks later take all that away from us.
When I got off the phone I sat there for a few minutes crying and not knowing what to do, Rob was at work and I was home alone. I sent my mum a text message asking her if she could ring me, when she rang me I told her and she came straight to my place, she rang Robs work and told them and they sent him home to be with me. When I opened the door and seen him standing there with tears  in his eyes I didn’t know what to say but im sorry I let you down, He wrapped his arms around me and told me I didn’t let him down, he loves me and wants me to live, he always just wanted me to survive and if we could have a baby then that was a extra bonus but if not then he was fine as long as he had me and we will get through this together.  I held on to him so tight and I just cried for a long time.
We are currently hoping to get my surgery moved from Melbourne to Wodonga so its closer to home.
I still have to stay on the treatment until I have my surgery then theres a 70% chance I will have to go through chemo as well.
When people ask me how am I going, I always tell them “Im ok”, even though im not, Im Shattered, heartbroken, angry, scared, lost and I don’t feel like myself anymore but I find it hard to tell people what im going through. Alot of the time when im alone I cry. Im trying to deal with it and im taking it one day at a time, no matter what im going to beat the Cancer.
If it wasnt for the love and support from Rob i really dont think i would have the strength to keep fighting the Cancer. 

I have Cancer, but it doesn’t have me.

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

When it rains it pours

You know that old saying "When it rains it pours", Well after the day ive had today, its certainly pouring.
Today our car broke down in the heat, it was our 1 car that we had on the road and my Hubby to be used it for work everyday, now its broken and the stress has set in yet again. We have another car thats unregistered and sadly we dont have the money to get it put on the road, and we dont know anyone who could lend us a car.
We were broken down in the heat and in the first 2 hours roughly 150 cars went past and the sad thing is only 4 people stopped and asked us if we need a drink or to call someone, One man in a ute went past then came back with 2 beers, which was really nice of him ( i dont drink anymore because of my cancer meds but today i really couldve gone a nice cold beer)

It makes you think what is society coming to when they will drive past someone thats clearly broken down in the heat. 

My Uncle and Aunty came and picked us up but we couldnt fix the car and its still there on the side of the road and in a bad area, so knowing our luck someone will steal it or burn it and then we wont have a car at all. 
We cant even get a loan to buy a new car because about 6 or 7 years ago i was driving robs VT Calais when a drunk driver crashed in to me, the drunk had no money, no job and didnt even have a licence so we were stuck paying for the repairs on Robs car as it wasnt insured for me to drive, The repairs cost 15 thousand dollars so we got a loan and are still struggling to pay that back, then with me having Cancer and the cost of everything the bills just keep piling up and to be honest im not sure if we will ever get infront. We are renting a house because we cant afford to buy a house, so of course we are always having to move because either the house sells or the rent goes up. I would give anything to be able to move into a house and just stay there without moving but there doesnt appear to be anyone willing to rent someone a house long term these days. All i have ever wanted was somewhere to call home...
It seems like all my dreams are being taken away one at a time.

Lately ive been thinking "havent we been through enough", they say bad things happen in 3s, well ive had my fair share and im not sure what number of 3s im up to now but theres only so much 1 person can take, Just when i thought i hit rock bottom another bad thing happens and i realise no i wasnt at rock bottom but now i am. 

We have our Engagement party in 47 days and im meant to be excited about it but yet im stressed about how we are going to be able to pay for everything and now to top it off without a car how are we going to get there?

All i wanted was to be able to finally celebrate something good after all the bad things that have happened over the past few years. 

Wouldnt it be nice if even just for 1 night i was able to enjoy myself with my wonderful fiancé and our friends and family... 

I know people say "what doesnt kill you will make you stronger" Ive always been fairly strong but now im struggling.

I think if i have a guardian angel they must have gone on a holiday.

Love Always

Mandy

xoxo

A little bit about me...

Im 27 years old, I weigh 146kgs, I have High blood pressure and got diagnosed at the end of 2010 with Uterine Cancer, which now after 12 months on experimental medicine the Cancer has grown and now i have to have a full hysterectomy, which to be honest im heart broken about because my fiancé and i don't have any children.

I have my good days and my bad days, Im trying to stay positive and i know no matter what i will beat it.
I have battled with weight issues most of my life and im sick of being just the "Girl with a pretty face", Im sick of being a joke to people who don't know me, The jokes, nasty comments and the looks i get from people are very painful.

Im very self conscious about my weight and my appearance.
Last year i lost 49kgs by myself and this year im hoping to lose the next 56kgs.

I would give anything to walk into a "Normal" shop and buy something from a rack knowing it will fit me. My dream is to Beat Cancer & lose enough weight to not only look good but to finally get my self confidence back & of course for my wonderful Fiancé to be able to pick me up on our Wedding day and carry me across the threshold without breaking his back. 

I want to lose weight not only for myself & my health but also to prove all those people wrong who ever doubted me & said i couldn't lose the weight.

I chose the name of my blogg "Lift your head up Princess, if not the Crown falls" because its something my grandfather used to say to me if i was sad when i was little.

My blogg will have memories of mine, fun times, sad times, my cancer & weightloss journey, my wedding, a little bit of everything....My Life

I hope you enjoy the read....

Love always

Mandy

xoxo