I just want to be me, i dont want to be the girl who has Cancer.

It was birthday on Friday, I turned 28 and im very proud to say it was my last birthday with Cancer.
My Birthday was pretty crap to be honest, I only got to spend a bit over a hour with Rob because his been working heaps to build up the hours to take time off for when i have my surgery, Then i spent some time with my mum (who i had to remind it was my birthday) I got a awesome card from my sister inlaw, some nice facebook messages & text messages but one of my oldest friends forgot.
My surgery is only 28 days away, It still scares me though. Im terrified about being knocked out for so long & also the pain afterwards & how long i will be in hospital for. I dont like hospitals & i dont think i will get many visitors when im in hospital.
Ive decided that when im healed after my surgery Im going to have a "I kicked Cancers arse" party.
Im looking forward to having my engery levels back so i can get stuck into my weight loss & start living a healthy lifestyle again.
Everytime i go out in public i have to put on my fake smile to make everyone else feel better when all i want to do is cry.
You can tell who really cares when they ask "How are you feeling" and you can tell the fake people who only ask because its the "polite thing to do".
Then of course theres those who avoid me all together or look at me like ive got germs...
"News flash fucktards, Its CANCER, you cant catch it"
Ive been spring cleaning our house lately & trying to take my mind off everything, It hasnt really worked though, i just get tired & end up in pain, Or i find something that Rob & i brought for a baby before we were told my Cancer treatment hasnt worked and we cant have a baby, Then i end up crying.
I feel so useless lately because i cant do very much.
I just want to be me, i dont want to be the girl who has Cancer.

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo