Eureka Climb

On Sunday 16th November was the Eureka Tower climb, Australis biggest vertical race and I did it!
I remember driving to melbourne the day before the race, I was so excited but at the same time i was super nervous.  We stayed at The Travelodge on southbank, our room was on the top floor, overlooking the giant bees on the side of the Eureka Tower, I didnt sleep much that night. I ironed my race clothes and just layed in bed watching the rain fall over the city, The rain was very calming and I finally drifted off to sleep about 5am on race day, I only got 1 & a half hours sleep because my alarm went off at 6:30, my race time was 7:30am.
Standing in line waiting to enter the stairwell, my heart was pounding with nerves and excitement at the same time.
The first 20 floors were hard because i had to learn how to control my breathing, In the stairwell its hot and stuffy.
When I hit the 44th floor, half way up the tower, my body was finding "the wall" I fought through it and kept pushing myself.
With each step i took i become more proud, It was a massive physical thing and mentally as well, So much was going through my mind as i was climbing the stairs, When my body started to hurt I did my normal thing and took a breathe and took another step.
The last 30 floors I helped a woman up them then when we got to the top I told her to go out first so she could cross the finish line by herself.
The amount of pride I felt when i ran across the  finish line was very overwhelming.
For finishing the climb i got a medal, which now hangs proudly on my car rear view mirror to remind me I am strong, I am capable of doing anything i put my mind to, but most of all its there to remind me not to eat junk food and to never give up.

Theres a quote that I like which I have always liked but only now understood how powerful it is,
"Remember you dont have to see the whole stair case, just take it one step at a time"
I did that and in 1 hour & 20minutes I conquered the Eureaka Climb without even holding the hand rail!
1642 stairs, 88 Floors.
A massive Thank you goes to my husband Rob & My best friend Deep for all their support and helping me stay motivated to complete the race.
Also Thank you to my gym Anytime Fitness Wodonga for the sports pack they gave me to use on race day, I wore the shirt with Pride.

You can do anything you put your mind to, you just have to keep climbing!
Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

Our Happily Ever After...

Our Wedding day had finally arrived, The weather was perfect, the sun was shining, I woke up calm & relaxed.
The ceremony was in Beechworth at the town hall gardens and as I pulled up in my friends Chrysler, I glanced around and took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves back down and taking it all in, the moment Rob & I had waited for was finally here.
Standing at the end of my very long aisle waiting for the music to start I had to calm my nerves again, Then the song I had chosen for my bridesmaids & flower girl to walk down to started and I heard a few giggles, The song was the Star wars theme. I knew that Rob would be nervous so I chose that song as a surprise to calm his nerves because its his favourite movie and I am not a star wars fan, however he has since told me that he had already listened to the USB of music and knew about the song, So much for a surprise.
Then came my song, The woman in me By Shania Twain.
As I took my first step I remember thinking to myself, Dont trip, Take a breath and enjoy the moment.
I had been told by so many people that the day will fly by and alot of it I will forget, I havent forgotten it yet, I remember every moment from the time I woke up till the moment I fell asleep.
Our vows we decided to write ourselves, Rob googled his and found a few he liked. I wrote mine from something I said to him on our anniversary last year.

Robs Vows:
Amanda, I Love you, You are my best friend, Today I give myself to you in marriage.
I promise to encourage and inspire you, comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems heard.
I promise to cherish you and to always hold you in the highest regard.
These words I will honour you with today and all the days of our life.

My Vows:
Rob, You make me feel safe when I am scared,
Warm when I am cold, happy when I am sad,
You make me feel beautiful even when Im having a bad hair day,
You put up with my tired cranky moods & my fun feral ones to.
Alot of things have changed in the last 10 years,
Apart from our love which has remained strong & true.
Youve helped me through the darkest moments in my life,
You held my hand and never let go.
You are my love, my strength, my best friend & my soul mate.
Today I promise to love you forever & a day.

Rob and I would like to thank so many people for helping us on our day, Im sorry if I miss you in the list below.

Our Best Man/My brother Chris, Theres so much I need to thank you for but here is just a few, Thank you so much for stepping up and being there for both Rob & I, not only on our wedding day but also for every other day as well, Thank you for staying up nearly the whole night before the wedding and making sure the reception was perfect. Thank you for dancing with me on my wedding day and not stepping on my feet, Thank you for making me laugh when I was about to cry. I dont need a piece of paper to know your my family, We are very proud to have you, your beautiful wife & kids in our family & Love you all more than you will ever know.

Our Original MOH/Sister inlaw Melly, There is so much I need to thank you for but my blog post would be way to long so I will thank you for just a few things, Thank you for being there from the start of the planning, Thank you for counting down the days with me even when it seemed like the day was never going to arrive, Thank you for all the late night chats, thank you for sitting up the night before my wedding and hand writing out all of the name cards. Thank you for finding myself & Rob and sharing your life with us, You, Chris & your boys mean so much to us both & We are proud to have you all in our family & Love you all more than you will ever know.

Our MOH Prue, Thank you for all the late night gym sessions & for your support even when my ideas seemed crazy. Thank you for putting up with my cranky moods when I was stressed out.
Thank you for coming to my dress fittings, Thank you for helping keep me calm.
Thank you for helping clean the reception the day after.

Our Groomsman Craig, Thank you so much for stepping into the spot when asked at the last minute & for helping keep Rob calm. your a great friend to both Rob & I and we cant thank you enough for being there for us on our wedding day. Thank you also to your beautiful Fiancée Peta for loaning you to us for the day/night.

My Best Friend Deep, Thank you so much for driving Rob & The guys, thank you for dropping us off after the reception in your awesome car, guarding my aisle, helping with my dress, helping keep me calm, all the gym sessions, all the fun moments, smiles and for always being there for me. your a wonderful friend who has become a part of our family.

My Beautiful Cousin Christina, Thank you for all your help, thank you for driving my girls. Thank you for all the messages, calls & random visits. Thank you for being you. Your my cousin but Your more like my little sister, My day wouldnt have been the same without you.

Our Friend Amy, Where do I start, You really are a treasure. Thank you for my beautiful veil, chair sashes and table runners, Thank you for being there for me from the start.

Our Friend Melissa, Thank you so much for driving me in your beautiful car, helping me with my dress, keeping me calm & cool in the car on the way to the ceremony. Thank you for everything else you did on the day, Your a treasure.

Our Friend/Pastor Kelvin, Well where do I start... Thank you for marrying Rob & I, Thank you for all the years we have known each other, Thank you for all your support, Thank you for being a great friend. To you & your beautiful wife Hannah, Thank you so much for loaning us your adorable daughter for our flower girl, She is a beautiful princess.

Our Friends at Cookinburra Park Host Farm, Thank you to Michael & Dot for the lovely hospitality, relaxing place to stay and a beautiful photo location.
https://www.facebook.com/cookinburrapark

Our Friend/Photographer E from ZeZe Photography, I dont know how to thank you for everything you have done for us, You went above & Beyond to get us the perfect shots to capture our special day, As a photographer myself it was not easy giving up the reins and finding someone I trusted to capture our moments, Till I met you. We are excited to get our photos, the ones we have seen are stunning. Thank you so much for everything you did and for being so patient with us, and of course Thank you for catching me when I fell during the mornings photos.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/ZeZe-Photography

Our Friend/My hairdresser Anthea from Anthea Leighs Hair & Beauty,
Thank you so much for the wonderful perfect hair and make up, For fixing my hair when I first came to you, for putting up with me asking so many times if my hair and make up would stay perfect (which it did). Thank you for knowing exactly what I wanted even when I wasnt sure.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Anthea-Leighs-Hair-Beauty

Our Friend Peta from Billion $ Dreams, I cant thank you enough for finding my dream gown, You went above and beyond to make sure i was a princess. Thank you for dressing me on the day and the last minute fix up when I got lip balm on it before the ceremony. You are a 1 in a million kind of lady and im so thankful that you are my friend.
https://www.facebook.com/bridalworldalbury

Our Friend Jodie from Ba-Bling nails, Thank you for my beautiful nails & also our awesome salt lamp.
https://www.facebook.com/BaBlingNailz

Our Friend Carrie from Dirty Icing, Thank you so much for the best cake we've ever had.
https://www.facebook.com/DirtyIcing

Our Friend Tara from The Flower & Function Studio in Numurkah, Thank you so much for our beautiful flowers.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Flower-Function-Studio

Our Friends Shane & Mem Sedgwick, Thank you for the awesome entertainment.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sedgies-Entertainment

Rollin Roasties, Thank you for the yummy meal.
https://www.facebook.com/rollinroasties

My Mum, Thank you for helping us pay for the happiest day of my life, thank you for all your support and for making me go back to my original ideas of everything. Thank you for walking me down the aisle and giving me away.

Rob & I would like to thank each and every person who came & helped make our day rememberable. Please dont be offended if i have missed you in the list of people we thanked, I assure you that your part in our day wither it was big or small helped make our day the day it was & we are thankful.

Love always
Mandy

Im Shrinking!

Im Shrinking!
Here is a new update for you all.

This is a photo of me taken last week, the white shirt used to fit me snug, now I could fit 2 of me in it. 

Hell Yeah! IM PROUD!

I still have a long way to go but Im heading in the right direction!
My new goal is to be under 100kgs before my 30th birthday, March 15th 2015, thats 162days.
Wish me luck & watch me change.

Love always 

Mandy

xoxo

Live Life to its fullest...

My Gym gave me a sports pack to use when I do the Eureka Climb on Sunday November 16th,
Thank you so much to Shane & the staff at Anytime Fitness in Wodonga, On my climb I will proudly wear the Anytime Fitness shirt.
Im a very proud member of Anytime fitness in wodonga, Its a great gym, the staff are super supportive, helpful & friendly,
So if your looking for a gym to join then come join Anytime fitness in Wodonga.
I am smashing my goals and ive been cranking out my workouts.
This week I lost 2.5kgs!

I can now Leg Press 190kgs! 

Thats what the photo is.

(sorry the photo is jittery, its hard to lift 190kgs and take a photo at the same time)

Every workout I do, Ive been choosing 1 highlight of each workout, leg pressing 190kgs was my highlight of tonight's workout.

No matter what size you are, Dont hide your life away, Get off your arse & get active!
Live life to its fullest!

Love Always
Mandy

xoxo

88 Floors, 1642 stairs & my determination....

Only a quick post tonight...
When I was going through cancer, I wrote a life list.
Its a list of things I wanted to do when I beat cancer, there are a heap of things on there and some of them I have already ticked off, Watch my first sunrise cancer free done that the day after my surgery, Go in the Glass Box at Eureka Tower  did that on my 1 year cancerversary, Get to the top of Mt Pilot in under 10 minutes i did that one on my birthday.
Im going to be able to tick off my next thing in November, I have signed up for The Eureka Stair climb, 1642 stairs, 88 floors & my determination.
Theres only 56 days to go, Im very excited, its going to be hard but I know when i reach the finish line, the pride will be worth the pain my body will feel.
I need to raise $500, because if i do i get to have my photo taken on the roof.
How awesome would that be?
All the funds go to the events charity partners Interplast & whitelion.
I am doing the climb to raise awareness for Endometial Cancer, also known as Uterine Cancer, which is the cancer that I had.

Please sponsor me, help me get my photo on the roof of the tower.
The funds go to 2 amazing charity's & I get a wonderful memory.
What a awesome way to celebrate me getting my life back!

Here is a link to the fundraising page that I was given by the event when I joined up,
Please donate, even if it is $1, it will all add up & help me reach my goal so i can get my photo.

Copy and paste this link into your browser

http://www.eurekaclimb.com.au/registrant/10515

Love Always
Mandy

Give a toot for Brooke...Lets take a stand against someone bullying a grieving family....

You know how you have that 1 outfit that no matter how your feeling, makes you feel better?
For me that is my wedding dress...
Today I had my first fitting with my wedding shoes & all my accessories and well, What can i say...WOW...  when i seen myself in the mirror dressed as a bride, i nearly didnt recognise myself.
In my dress, with my veil & tiara i felt like such a princess, It took me a few minutes to take it all in and in those few moments so much went through my mind, Of course my first thought was will my fiancé Rob think im beautiful, i wondered if my grandpa & godfather will be watching over me on my wedding day and then i thought of my friend Brooke and how much i wished she would be there on my wedding day but sadly because of 1 simple mistake she wont be. If you have read my blogs then you would of read the one i wrote for my beautiful friend Brooke, she was only 20 years old when she was on her way to work one morning and made the mistake of sending a text message when she was driving, her car hit a tree and she died.
I recently caught up with Brookes mum Vicki for a coffee, She is a beautiful woman just like her daughter & when i first walked into the chocolate factory in corowa & seen Vicki sitting there, I was a bit shocked, The way she was sitting there reminded me so much of Brooke, which of course is what you would expect when a mother and daughter were as close as Brooke was with her mum.
When you mention Brookes name you can see a sparkle in Vicki's eyes, the love she has for her daughter is one that will no doubt last more than 1 lifetime.
This week has been very hard for me emotionally, On Monday, my mum, bridesmaid and myself went to go meet with the florist and discuss the wedding flowers, when i was planning the trip i knew i would have to drive past where Brooke had her accident, I knew it was the first time i had been past there and I knew it would be hard, But how hard it was going to be i didnt realise until i saw the tree and her name on the memorial cross, I was shattered, there i was driving past the spot where my friend took her last breath, I knew that if she was alive then she would be in the car with us and well possibly stirring me about my choice of music or making me laugh, But yet here i was with tears rolling down my face because of how much i miss her.
So many people think a text message only takes a few seconds to send and that it wont happen to them, they have driven the road a hundred times, they will be fine...Im sure Brooke felt that way as well but yet in those few seconds it took send a simple message of only a few words "are you still going to make it today" Brooke was gone and hundreds of lives were changed, Just in the blink of an eye, a mother & father lost their daughter, her brothers lost their sister, her grandparents lost their grand daughter, her friends lost a friend, anyone who had the honour of knowing Brooke had now lost someone who no doubt had changed their lives in one way or another.
Brooke was the Queen of selfies and i promised her that on my wedding day we would have a selfie together, even though i know she is gone, I will still keep my promise to her, On my wedding day I will take a selfie just for her.
When I seen myself in the mirror today i remembered Brooke telling me i was going to be a beautiful bride, and now here i was only a couple years after she said that, Looking in the mirror at me with my beautiful gown and feeling like a princess, the only thing missing was Brooke pulling silly faces at me.
When i go back to pick up my wedding flowers I will stop at the tree where Brooke took her last breath and will leave the pom pom flowers i made for her, She used to laugh at them and say they looked like fluffy flowers.
To some people it might be strange to grieve for a lost friend at the base of a tree that took her life, But to me that is the last place she was alive, so even though shes not there now im sure a part of her is there.
Sadly there is someone who is trying to get Brooke's memorial removed, The family has already moved the memorial from the base of the tree (where it rightfully belongs) to a few metres away to try to keep the complaining person happy.
There is so many road side memorials, those families are allowed to have them there so why should Brooke's memorial be any different?
Why should 1 family be victimised by 1 person?
Havent Brooke's loved ones been through enough?
What gives this 1 person the right to think they can tell a loving mother where she can grieve for the loss of her only daughter?
When i drove past Brookes tree i gave Brooke a toot of my car horn, I didnt do it to annoy or anger the person who is trying to cause a grieving family more heartache, I tooted because Brooke was my friend and I was saying hello.
So this is what i am asking of you, my loyal followers and readers....
Please help get behind Brookes family and spread the word of "Dont Txt N Drive"
There is many ways you can do this, Talk to your loved ones, tell them about Brooke and the dangers of using a mobile while driving.

If your on Facebook you can go to the Foundations page and show your support
simply enter in the following into your browser

https://www.facebook.com/dont.tx.n.drive

Or you can show your support by visiting the website where you can purchase merchandise showing your support for Dont Txt N Drive (All funds goes back into the foundation & educating young people on the dangers of using a mobile phone while driving)
Copy this link into your browser

http://www.dont-txt-n-drive.com

The merchandise can also be purchased from Woolworth stores as well as you can contact the foundation through the facebook page.

If you would like to give Brooke a TOOT when you drive past her tree or stop and place a flower at her memorial then please do so, If you dont know where it is, contact me and i will let you know.

Let get behind this loving family and show our support, Lets stand up to the bully and let them know that Brookes memorial will not be removed and they have no right to say where Brookes loved ones can grieve for her.

Please when you go for your next drive and your phone goes off, ignore it or pull over...
No mother or father should ever have to lay their child to rest, Dont put your family & friends through the painful task of losing you.

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

Chicken soup is good for your soul....

Friday I decided to take my husky to the snow, however we didnt make it & neither of us have ever been to the snow still, My car broke down in the middle of a heavy rain & storm on top of the mountain half way there. 43 cars drove past me and only 2 cars stopped to see if i was alright.
The heater tap broke in my car and filled my car with steam and smoke, My husky and i had to get out of the car in the middle of the storm, I was lucky to have him with me because he cuddled me to try to keep me warm. I now have a really bad flu but if it wasnt for my husky i would have pneumonia, Bring on the chicken soup till i get better.
 I rang Rob at work and he came to save us, fixed the car enough for me to drive it home and then fixed it properly over the weekend, Lucky im marrying a awesome man who can fix pretty much anything i break,  Speaking of me breaking things, today my knee went wobbly on me and i felt light headed, i went to sit on our stairs but missed, fell and dropped my phone on the tiles....Long story short, I have cracked the screen.
Do you ever have those moments where you feel like screaming as loud as you can?
Thats how ive been feeling lately, So much bad things have happened, I found out that for the last 15 months ive been on the wrong medication which has caused me to gain weight & struggle to lose it, I have been working so hard to lose weight and get healthy, I have been working out that hard that i have torn 2 ligaments in my knee, Ive been in alot of pain, spent so much time crying and wondering what I was doing wrong, why was the weight not falling off and all this time it was because I was on the wrong medication.
I know mistakes happen but how can someone stuff up like that?
The specialist who gave me the wrong medication was the one who did my surgery, the one who saved my life not just by doing the surgery & removing all my cancer but also when I was dying on the operating table she saved me.
So now I am not on the medication and when I get over the flu, I will have to work twice as hard to lose my weight & get healthy for my Wedding, Theres only 72days to go and I still have alot of weight to lose.
So this week when i weighed in i lost 1kg since last week and my new weight is 148.4kgs...
Stay tuned & watch this space, Nothing is going to stop me from looking beautiful on my wedding day, until then i will stay silently screaming in my mind and working extra hard to lose my weight...
One step at a time, one drop of sweat at a time, im taking back my life & no matter what...
IM GOING TO WIN!

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

Every little girl deserves to be a Princess.

When you think of the bravest people you know its normal to think of Soldiers, Fire Fighters, Police, cancer patients, your parents or grand parents, However what if one of the bravest people you knew was only a child?
Chloe Louise is a beautiful little girl who is only 8 years old and yet she has been through more than what most people go through in a lifetime, at just 2 & a half years Chloes parents noticed some problems developing with their little princess, from bladder problems to blood & swelling to uncontrollable screaming and so their journey began to find out what was causing their beautiful little princess so much pain.
After many Doctors, blood tests, MRI's, xrays, ultrasounds, different medications and even operations, Jacqui & David where still no closer to finding anything out. They were referred to a gyno at the Melbourne Children's Hospital for even more tests,  more operations and of course more Doctors until Chloes name was put on a paediatric problem email group that is world wide and finally they got an answer and their beautiful little princess was diagnosed with a disorder called Vulva Erythromelalgia or EM as its commonly called, Erythromelalgia is a very rare and very devastating disorder that affects your skin causing redness, swelling, intense heat and severe pain. 
The diagnosis didnt stop there Chloe was also diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type 3, Vaso Vagal Syncope and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome...
She is on a range of medications, Her parents have also had to install a air conditioner in her bedroom as well as get cooling mats, cooling scarfs & masks just to try to keep her body cool, Sadly the disorder means that the heat affects her really bad and causes immense pain as well as swollen and extremely painful joints, also sometimes fainting due to her bodys reaction to the heat and cracking bones which will most likly cause Arthritis. She has missed numerous days of school, she cant play many sports or do much physical activity because of what the heat does to her body and to top it all off she has heart problems.
Chloe comes from a loving family with hard working parents and 2 brothers, The first thing that comes to mind when I think of how to describe Jacqui & David, They would go to the end of the universe and back to help their children, They will bend over backwards to help people when they can and of course with them their kids always come first no matter what.
Chloes Father David is the type of guy that any little girl would be proud to have as their daddy, not only is he a father and works full time but he is also a volunteer fire fighter, which sadly means there is times when he has to go away to fight the fires to help other families.
Chloes mother Jacqui is a beautiful woman who has incredible strength, she is in the office at the same fire department as her husband. You can see in the photos that Jacqui very proudly displays on her facebook that her children & husband are her world. She is clearly a very proud mum.
When I told her i dont know how she does it all and still remains strong, Jacquis reply was simple, "Its heartbreaking but shes strong due to Chloe and shes thankful that Chloes still smiles, They make the most of the good days".
The cost of the medication and treatment for Chloe is massive and something that she cant live without, Imagine if it was your child and you were faced with having to witness them in pain knowing that even though with all your heart and soul you want to make them not go through the pain, there is only so much you can do.
No little girl should ever have to go through what Chloe has to face everyday, She should be able to run, play sports, enjoy the sunshine and live the life of a normal little girl, The strength that she has is more than I have seen in most adults, The kind heart and gentle soul is something she clearly got from her parents because even through all the pain, tears, medications, operations, Dr visits and hospital dashes she still manages to find a smile and what a beautiful smile it is.
Jacqui and David are the type of people who always put others before themselves and even though they need help to cover the cost of everything, they wouldnt ask.
So I am going to ask, Please can you share this beautiful little girls story with your family and friends.
I am going to arrange a fund raising auction to help them get the funds they need to be able to afford the treatments that Chloe needs.
If you would like to donate funds or something to be auctioned please contact me at
princesschloesmiles@gmail.com
It is a email account I set up specially for this cause.
It doesnt matter what it is, big or small.
Please help me get behind this beautiful little princess and her family.

Next time your watching your children play or do things that a normal childhood involves, please spare a thought for Chloe.
Lets dig deep and help this family out, After all its what they would do if it was your child and they could help you, David gives up time away from his children and wife every year to fight fires and help keep your families and friends safe, the least we can do is help them when they need it. 

Every little girl deserves to be a Princess. 

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

princesschloesmiles@gmail.com

An open letter to my beautiful friend Brooke....

Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if heaven had facebook?

Imagine if you could send someone a inbox message, letter or email to let them know that you miss them even though they are gone?
So here is my open letter to my friend Brooklyn Richardson, she sadly lost her life when she was on her way to work on the 4th of December 2012, She was killed when her car hit a tree. Brooke died due to texting and driving, She was only 20 years old, at the bottom of this post is a youtube video that Brookes mum Vicki made of photos of Brooke.
Please dont let Brookes death be in vain, please tell your loved ones about the Dont txt n drive foundation that Brookes family put together to help spread the message, you can find their facebook page by copying this link into your browser bar:
https://www.facebook.com/dont.tx.n.drive

and their website is:

http://www.dont-txt-n-drive.com/

No matter what always remember No text message is worth your life.

Dear my beautiful friend Brooke, 

You werent on this earth for very long, however in the short time you were here you touched more lives than you will ever know.
You were such a beautiful girl with a cheeky smile & a heart of gold, If someone knew you then they were lucky enough to have a true friend. 

I have so much that I wish I could thank you for but I think I would be writing for a long time and well maybe this letter would never be finished. 

Thank you for making me laugh when I told you I had been diagnosed with cancer, you were the only one who didnt give me the "poor you look", instead you made it your mission to make me laugh and even now when I think of that moment it still brings a smile to my face.
Thank you for the many moments when you would just appear when I was working out & for the way you made the workouts fun. 

I have kept my promise to you and I beat the cancer, Im still going to the gym and im getting my health back on track.
In just 16 weeks im getting married, I wish so much that you could be there even just for 5 minutes so we could take the silly selfie photo together that you made me promise to let you take with me in my wedding dress.
Even though you wont be there on my wedding day and wont be able to take the silly selfie photo with me, I will keep your promise and I will take the photo for you.
I will miss you Brooke 

Love Always
Mandy

xoxo

Hello 5am I wish I could sleep...

So here I am another night that I still haven't been to sleep yet because Ive got to much on my mind, it's 5am and I'm wide awake with a thousand thoughts running through my brain and they all have 2 things in common... Our Wedding & stress...

We still have a lot of things to get for the wedding and a lot of things to pay for, which of course is a lot of stressing because we are trying to pay for them & live off just Robs wage because I still haven't found a job, I do my photography but that's just casual. 

With the cost of the wedding & all our bills we have come to the realisation that we can't afford a honeymoon so we aren't going on a honeymoon. 

We have had to cut costs so much in our wedding just because we simply can't afford it.

We are doing pretty much everything DIY for the wedding and hopefully it all comes together perfectly.

My mum has helped out as much as she can and we are very thankful to her for helping. 

The wedding is getting closer and there's still so much to pay for & the bills just keep rolling in. 

As much as I would love to have a honeymoon I am just happy to be finally marrying the love of my life and how perfect is it that it's on our 10 year anniversary that we are getting married.

Well hopefully I will get some sleep soon.

Goodnight & sweet dreams

Love always 

Mandy

xoxo

The scoop was at the TOP!

Today was my weigh in day, as I stepped on the scales today I was nervous and wishing that the numbers would be smaller, They were. This week ive lost 500 grams, its not much but im happy with it because at least the numbers are going down again.

I try not to get caught up stressing over the scales and yet every week i find myself stressing and hoping that the work i have put in has been enough to bring the numbers down and if it hasnt and the numbers have gone up or stayed the same i get very annoyed at myself and of course the scales.
Ive learned along the way that the numbers dont always come down and you have to learn to be ok with that, when losing weight it is important to build muscle and tone up at the same time or you will end up with lose yukky skin. Despite what alot of people say, Muscle does NOT weigh heavier than fat, 1kg is 1kg no matter what it is. The difference is muscle doesnt take up as much room, so if you weigh the same please dont be disheartened.

I had something very rare happen tonight, when i got home after the gym i opened my protein shake and the scoop was at the top, I know to those who dont have protein shakes you will probably think i have gone mad by being excited over something so small but those of you who do have protein shakes im sure will appreciate my excitement over finding the scoop at the top. 

Well in my last blog i did tell you that i am enjoying the little things in life, Finding the scoop at the top was a extra little bit of happiness today.
Anyway ive had a few people ask for my blog to have more photos in it so here is a new up to date photo of me, it was taken yesterday when i was shopping for my new knee brace, Which i might add is a total pain in the arse to workout with. 

 Love always
Mandy

I got my scan results for my knee

Im learning to look at my scar not as something ugly that marks my body but as something to wear with pride, Its a constant reminder to live & enjoy life.
I can slowly feel myself coming back, Im starting to enjoy life again and now I cry a little bit less.
I still have my moments of weakness but one of the many lessons i have learnt since i first got diagnosed with cancer, all through my surgery and my recovery is I really am stronger than i ever imagined i could be, I see it as i have 2 choices I either suck it up and find a way through it or i could just give up, I choose to suck it up and find a way to keep going ive never been a quitter and im sure as hell not going to be one now, I beat cancer, surely that means that i can beat anything?
I still find myself putting on a fake smile some days to please everyone else but those days are becoming more and more less.
Im finding ways to find the fun in life again and in turn im slowly finding me again.
I really enjoy the small things alot these days, something as simple as listening to rain on the tin roof & the smell of eucalyptus leaves reminds me of growing up on my grandpas farm when I was younger, that was the one place that no matter where I was or what i was doing, it always felt like home, I miss that feeling alot.
Its getting closer to my wedding, only 122 days to now, Im so excited but at the same time im nervous, Im worried i wont lose enough fat and will look horrible on my wedding day, Im worried that something will ruin the day for Rob & I, It is our 10 year anniversary on our wedding day.
Im still going to the gym 6 days a week and trying really hard to lose weight, sometimes my numbers go down on the scales, sometimes they go up and then there is times when the numbers dont change at all. I am limited at the moment with what i can do at the gym, I got my scan results today and I have torn 2 ligaments in my right knee...it hurts like hell, however I still keep going to the gym and have modified my workout so its less strain on my knee, I have to have it braced at the moment and if its not better in 2 weeks my dr is sending me for a MRI scan...Fingers crossed it gets better soon.
Wish me luck
Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

A loving family even just for 4 minutes...Is it to much to ask...

When planning a Wedding as a Bride you get super excited and every little detail can either be fun or incredibly stressful, Im enjoying every detail of it but there are a few things that are upsetting me. 

Nearly every wedding I have been to the Bride has been able to do a Father Daughter Dance but yet with my Wedding cant do that because my father and i dont talk & as you would know if you have read my blog post called "One last call" it is unfixable, after everything that he said and done, nothing he has ever said hurt as much as when he didnt believe me I had cancer.

My mum and dad are divorced and dont get along at all, a lot of the times when i was growing up i felt like i was in the middle, but no matter what my mum has always been there for me.

So i find myself having those moments when i just want a "normal family", just for 1 day, even just for a few moments. 

When I was a little girl and thought of my Wedding I always dreamed of something out of a story book, everyone getting along, yummy food, lots of candles, fairylights everywhere, a happy bride & groom, a loving family and of course a father daughter dance, On my wedding day I wont be able to do a father daughter dance and well it makes me sad. 

Is it to much to ask for to have a normal caring family for even just 4 minutes, just 1 song?

I seen my dad last week in wodonga, it was so hard running into him and upset me a lot.

I still dont understand how a father can turn their back on their only daughter when they are going through cancer and even though now that im cancer free, the pain of having my dad turn his back on me, is still there. 

Love Always

Mandy 

xoxo

Today I went shopping for my Wedding dress and I FOUND IT...

Today I woke up feeling excitment as well as a nerves and a little bit of fear, Today was the day...Wedding Dress Shopping. 

So many thoughts went through my mind, What if i cant find the perfect dress? what if i cant find one that makes me feel like a princess? How will i know if I find the right dress? and then the worst question of all...What if nothing fits? 

I had set aside a whole day just for dress shopping & googled where the wedding dress shops are in Albury/Wodonga.

The first store I went into was Billion $ Dreams which is owned by Peta Schaefer, the store is beautiful and has so many stunning gowns. Peta was lovely, very friendly and welcoming, she asked a few questions about the style of dress I was looking for & with in a few minutes she had picked some to show me, then let me go through all her gowns and see if there was any she had missed that I would like to try on, all the dresses were gorgeous but the 3 Peta had chosen were stunning and stood out from the rest. Peta helped me try them on and let me take my time with deciding which one I was happy with, the first dress I put on was a style that Peta picked for me, I loved the dress but was unsure on 1 thing on the dress but loved everything else about it, however as soon as Peta put it in me & I seen myself in the mirror standing in that beautiful gown, I knew that it was the perfect dress for me,  I felt like a princess. I tried on the other 2 but decided that I wanted to try on the first one again & yep I was right it was the dress for me, the way it looked, the way it felt & the glow I had beaming from me proved that yes it was the one, Peta had found my dream dress and all with in just a few minutes, I stayed in the dress dancing & giggling with my Mum, Aunty Pam, Prue & my MOH Melly. 

They all agreed with me that yes it was my dress. 

I'm so excited to have finally found my dress, I looked around for so long and didn't find that 1 dress I loved and yet it took Peta just a few questions and she knew straight away what the perfect dress was, that's just how good she is at her job. 

I highly reccommend if your looking for a wedding gown then make the trip to Billion $ Dreams and see Peta, she will be able to find you the gown for you. 

I would love to tell you every little detail of my dress, but I want it to be a surprise on my Wedding Day. 

Thank you to Peta for my dream wedding dress. 

On my Wedding day I know I will feel like a Princess because of Billion $ Dreams.

Love always 

Mandy

xoxo

Billion $ Dreams website is: http://www.bridalworld.com.au

I was asked how did i feel when i was first diagnosed...

Ive been asked a few times  how did I feel when I was diagnosed and how do I feel now?
Well to put it simply, Terrified.
When I was first diagnosed I was terrified but at the same time, I felt like it was all just a bad dream that I couldnt wake up from.
I still get nervous and scared when its time for me to have my tests done, Theres always that little voice in my mind that says "what if it comes back", Every strange feeling or bit of pain that I get, my mind still goes straight to the thought "Please dont return".
When I heard my specialist tell me I had cancer, to me it was almost like a out of body experience, My first thought was "this cant be true, It cant be happening to me, Im to young, I havent lived my life yet".
For a few weeks after I was diagnosed I was waiting for the phone to ring with someone telling me it was a mistake and that I didnt have cancer, Sadly that call didnt come.
The first 6 months were hell, I chose not to tell people to start with because I needed time to deal with it myself. Rob & I only told a few people that we are closest to.
I came up with a different excuse why not to tell people, There were peoples birthdays, anniversary's, holidays, weddings and just about everything else in between, It was a very busy 6 months and it was hard to go out in public and face the world when all I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball, cry and forget the rest of the world existed, But instead I put on my fake smile, Took a breath, faced the world and pretended that nothing was wrong.
When I finally decided it was time to tell people, That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. If you have been following my blog from the start then you will already know that when I told people about my diagnoses, I had some family & friends walk out of my life.
Just incase being diagnosed with cancer wasnt bad enough, then I had to deal with that as well.
I had some friends come back into my life and I also made some amazing new ones.
Everyday I lived in fear that I was going to die but I still got up, put on a smile and faced the world.
I guess i still kind of live with the same fear now, although it is a little bit different because now I fear that my cancer will return, Every ache or pain I get, that is my first thought.
I had my 1 year tests done this week and I am waiting for the results to come back, although my specialist is confident that there is no sign of it returning yet.
I got the results from my scans and there is no sign of it in my lungs which is awesome news.
So I will try not to worry to much about the other tests.

I will let you know how I go.
Love Always

Mandy
xoxo

New Comparison Photo...50kgs Gone!!!!

This is my new comparison photo.

50kgs Gone & NEVER coming back!!!

Im kicking fats arse the right way,

I workout ALOT at the gym,
I eat & drink healthy with only the occasional junk.

As you will know if you have read all my blog posts, I started off on my weight loss journey by taking small steps and building it up, Now I take the stairs whenever possible, where as i used to be the girl who would take the elevator even just 1 floor because I physically couldnt walk up a flight of stairs, Now even at 142kgs I can run up them.

I park further away from shops so I have to walk further.
I used to be out of breath just getting out of a chair,

Now I can Run... 

To succeed at weight loss you need to get your mind on the right track, instead of seeing the big number that you have to lose, set yourself small goals. 

I aim to lose 5kgs a month & I also measure myself.

Since Christmas I have lost 18 inches on my waist.

Since beating Cancer and taking control of my life again, not only am I kicking the fat, but alot of other health problems I had are improved...

My blood pressure used to be dangerously high and a normal reading for me used to be 160/100 however when I had it tested 2 weeks ago it was 117/76, which is perfect.

I hardly ever use my Asthma puffer now.
My skin is becoming alot clearer, even my eyes are alot brighter.
I still have my down days but now I can honestly say I am alot happier and I am finally starting to feel Proud of myself again.

Anyway I better be off, I just thought I would post a up to date comparison photo because a reader emailed me and asked for one.

For those of you who have questions or would like to email me, my email address is:

rockbartonbaker@gmail.com

I have alos had some requests for people wanting to follow me on facebook, Here is a link to my page:

https://www.facebook.com/amandabaker19

Thank you for reading and I hope you are enjoying my blog.
Love Always
Mandy

xoxo

Some photos from Our Trip away...

1 Year Cancer Free...

Im now 1 year cancer free, It has been a very long hard year and i have had to face so many obstacles but i have come out of it stronger than ever. There are moments in your life that change you, they change the type of person you are going to become, Moments when you know your life will never be the same again and time becomes divided into 2 parts, Before this & After this...
What matters more to you, The before or after?
For me, Its after cancer that matters more because before cancer , Yes i lived and i have many great memories however with my life now, after cancer, I appreciate it alot more, You know what i mean?
It really is the little things in life that mean the most and i have learned to love the small things, it doesnt matter if its a rainbow on a cloudy rainy day, watching my husky chase birds because he thinks his a cat, or simply a hug from Rob, These are the moments that matter the most to me now.
I have finally decided to start living, Start doing things that get me out of my comfort zone.

This year for my 1 year cancerversary Rob & I went to Melbourne & stayed for the weekend at Travelodge on Southbank, on the Saturday we spent most of the day at the aquarium & after tea we went to the Eureka Sky deck, They sent me a ticket pack for Rob & I to go out on the Edge experience for my 1 year, For those of you who are overseas and have no idea what im talking about go to this website and it will give you all the information that you need 

https://www.eurekaskydeck.com.au
The Edge experience is a glass cube which projects 3 metres out from the building with you in it, Suspended nearly 300 metres from ground
The Sky deck edge experience is AWESOME, I do have to admit that for the first few seconds i was terrified and pretty much tried to hold on to glass wall and probably nearly crushed Robs hand because i was holding on so tight.
We got a few awesome photos of Rob & I in the glass box.
It is a once in a lifetime experience, which i will certainly do it again.
On the sunday, Rob & i spent the day at the Melbourne Zoo, The Zoo also sent Rob & I guest pass for the day. We spent the day there with our Godson Daltyn, his mummy & his great nan.
While we were there Rob surprised me with a Close encounter with the tigers, OMG i loved it. I go to go in the tiger enclosure with the tigers hander and a few other Zoo staff and walk around and see the inside of the enclosure and while i was there they got me to spread some chicken blood around the enclosure, this helps keep the tigers minds active and their hunting instincts sharp. When we had spread the blood around we went into a caged area & they let the tigers into the enclosure, I have always loved Tigers but now i do even more after seeing them so close.
I was so excited i was shaking, Not sure what i was more excited over, Getting to go in the enclosure, being so close to the tigers or the fact that i got tiger turds on my brand new runners.
We took alot of photos on the weekend, mostly with my mobile and it is a weekend i will never forget.
Our weekend away was the best thing thats happened to us in a long time, Its nice to have a reason to celebrate and to be able to do things that a year ago I couldnt do, on the saturday night after tea Rob & I went for a walk around Southbank, we walked 12.9kms all up and then on sunday we walked 29.4kms.
The weekend wasnt without dramas but it made it more rememberable.
While we were away I had a reaction to something that I ate friday night, We went to a well known restaurant, to be honest my meal was horrible. Im swollen still from the reaction i had to it, Hopefully the swelling goes down soon. (i wont name the restaurant we had tea at on friday, due to everyone can make a simple mistake, we went to a different place for Saturday and Sunday night).
The first room we were in at the hotel smelt bad, but the hotel were very helpful and moved us to a different room.
On the saturday Rob got the whole hotel evacuated, He went to iron his hanky, when he plugged it in the iron started smoking really bad and set off the fire alarm, good thing im alot fitter now because we had to go down 10 floors by the stairs. There was no fire and no one got hurt & I got some extra exercise, Lucky i have turned into the woman who would rather take the stairs. lol Thanks Hunny.
Then monday on the way home on the train there was a screaming child, The train ride was a bit rough and put my pain levels right up.
When we got home, Rob had a spa & when he drained it, the pipes were blocked and the downstairs toilet flooded the downstairs with sewer water, we had a plumber come today and he found a tree root growing in the pipes.
Ah well you have to bad moments to enjoy the good ones even more.
A year ago I promised myself that I would push myself & start living life....
So this is me living life.
Once a year on my cancerversary I am going to do something that challenges me, this year it was the glass box at Eureka, Next year I want to go diving with sharks.
I will post some photos to go with this post as well.
Even with the few things that went wrong I still enjoyed the whole weekend away & of course getting to spend my 1 year cancerversary with Our Godson & his mummy made the weekend even more special for Rob & I both.
Loving Life, Living Strong!
Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

My 1 year Cancerversary Weekend

So here I am in Melbourne for the first time since my cancer surgery last year, Rob and i got invited to come to Melbourne by the Melbourne Zoo & The Eureka Sky deck.

Im so excited, Tomorrow we are guests of the zoo for the day, then going to the Eureka skydeck to go into the glass viewing cube that goes 3 meters outside of the building, We are going there at night time, Im terrified of heights so going in the glass bx will be interesting. 

Im so thankful for the tickets from the Eureka tower & also the Melbourne zoo, When they arrived it was a wonderful surprise. 

We also got a amazing deal from Travelodge on southbank, The staff here have been so helpful & friendly, When we arrived in our room we found a beautiful bottle of champange, yummy chocolates & a nice card congrautlating me one my 1st year cancer free. 

Tonight when Rob & i were going out for tea I met Fitzy who used to be on big brother, OMG I was SUPER excited, lol  I got my photo taken with him ( i will post the photo wheni get home because its on my camera) & OMG he is so tall. 

Well im feeling excited about the awesome day we have planned for tomorrow,  cant beleive it has been a year since i was diagnosed. 

I will post again tomorrow night and let you know how my 1 year Cancerversary was. 

Today has worn me out so i am off to snuggle into Rob and dream sweet dreams. 

Goodnight World, Sweet Dreams!

Love always 

Mandy

xoxo

Sorry I havent written in over a month...

Sorry I havent written in over a month, I have had so much going on.

Well firstly, Rob & I have moved, Our new home is wonderful, its a 2 storey home in a quiet neighbourhood in a beautiful little country town called Chiltern, which has been great because it means I can finally get some sleep.
We have been here for about a month now, we have most of our things unpacked and im just slowly going through everything else 1 box at a time.
I am still going to the gym and loving my new lifestyle, All though its a bit painful at the moment because I broke my big toe a couple of weeks ago.
It was my birthday last month, I turned 29, This is my last year of my 20's.
For my birthday rob and I went to Woolshed falls for a picnic lunch, Its beautiful there.
On the way home we went to Mt Pilot, a bit over a year ago it took me 57 minutes to get to the summit and I was determined that as a birthday present to myself I would reach the summit in less time & I did, I shattered my old time by 47 minutes, This time I reached the summit in 6 minutes 10 seconds, That feeling that I shattered my goal well, it was wonderful.
I am enjoying life alot more now, I still have my down moments but I am learning how to deal with them.
I am finally nearly under 140kgs, Only 2.7kgs to go till I am finally under it.
Rob and I got invited to Melbourne by the Eureka Tower & The Melbourne Zoo to celebrate my 1st year cancerversary in a couple of weeks, It was a massive shock & I am so excited.
We are going to spend the day of my cancerversary at the Melbourne Zoo, then at night time we are going to the Eureka Tower to go in their glass cube, Im really looking forward to it even though the glass box scares the buggery out of me. I am terrified of heights but im going to give it a go, What a wonderful way to celebrate being cancer free for a year.
What a year it has been, Cancer took so much from me, The chance to have a baby, Alot of my pride, happiness & health, and of course the family and few friends who walked away and there was so much more, even though it took alot, in a strange way it taught me alot as well, I learnt that no matter what life throws my way and even though I might fall at times, I will always get back up, even when im going through hell & I feel like giving in, I can do anything I put my mind to.
Ive learnt to take the time to laugh and enjoy life because it only takes a moment and your life is changed for ever.
There is a really old saying which goes
"Take time to appreciate the small things for one day you will look back and realise they were big things"
That couldnt be true, I now pay alot more attention to the little things in life.

Anyway I better be off, I will write more regularly now, Thank you to all those who sent me emails to tell me they were missing my blog.

Love Always
Mandy
xoxo

January = 6Kgs down!

For the month of January I lost 6kgs, Im happy with that.
I am really starting to enjoy my healthy lifestyle, The amount of energy I have is improving with every kilo I lose, I can do so much more now and I am finally becoming proud of myself.

I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal of being under 100kgs on my wedding day but at least im heading in the right direction and im doing it for the right reasons, Im losing weight and getting fit for me, I have changed my life for me, Yes i want to fit into a nice wedding dress and look beautiful on my wedding day but that is not the only reason I am getting fit & healthy, There is a lot of reasons but mainly because im sick of watching life pass me by, I want to get out there and live it.
I am now nearly 10 months cancer free, this is my second chance at life, Not many people get second chances or wake up calls, For me cancer was a huge wake up call.
Im not going to give up, I am not going to be the fat girl for the rest of my life, I will no longer let life pass me by.
Its not easy to lose weight, to be honest alot of the time my body hurts from how much effort I am putting in at the gym, I have a few bruises from knocking myself on equipment at the gym or falling over, I almost always have aches and pains, My feet hurt alot of the time but I keep going because I have finally realised that I am worth more than I have given myself, I want to change, I want to enjoy life, I want to inspire others.
One day I will look back at all the pain and I know it will be worth it, It already is.

You only get one life, Get out there and Live it!

Love Always

Mandy
xoxo

A quick update...

Well its been 26 days since my last post, In that time alot has happened.
I have stuck to my no junk January as hard as I can but I have slipped a couple of times, I am still going to the gym nearly everyday and loving it, I am sticking to my goals and enjoying my new healthy lifestyle.
The couple times I have slipped on my no junk January my body has paid for it, When I eat healthy my body feels so much better, I have better moods, clearer skin and I just generally feel better.
However the couple times I have slipped up and eaten junk I have paid for it, My body feels sluggish, I get moody and just generally feel yuk.
When i work out after eating healthy food I can push myself that bit harder but the couple times I have slipped up and eaten junk, when it came time for my workout it was harder, I felt sluggish and really had to push myself and because I had eaten the junk my body decided that was it time to throw up, Thank god I made it to the toilet and didnt throw up in the gym, I am proud to say that even after being sick I rinsed my mouth and went back out and got stuck into my workout.

Im still sticking to my positive thinking as much as I can, I have slipped up a couple of times as well and started to get down due to a negative influences, but I didnt let that get me down for long, I thought ok i can let this get to me or I can ignore it and get back to positive thinking which improves my mood, so thats exactly what I did & it was worth it, I have discovered there is alot of people that dont like to see other people succeed at their goals so therefore they will try to bring you down, but you have to decide not to let them get in your head, You have to decide to put yourself first and strive to reach your goals because I promise the amount of pride you feel when you reach those goals is worth it.
Tomorrow is my last weigh in for the month, Im not telling how much weight I have lost in the month but so far I have lost some. I will write another blog tomorrow night and let you know just how much I have lost for the month.

This month has been full of surprises, I received a invitation for Rob & i to spend the day at the Melbourne zoo for my 1 year cancerversary & a ticket pack to go to the Eureka tower in Melbourne the night for my 1 year cancerversary to go in the glass cube, What a fantastic way to celebrate being cancer free.
Im very excited and thankful that the Zoo & Eureka sent me the tickets and I am looking forward to spending the weekend in Melbourne with Rob.
I am 9 months cancer free, In that 9 months so much has happened, I lost myself for a while but I fought my way back and I decided not to let the negative things get me down anymore, now instead of looking at what I have lost due to the cancer & hating my scar, I have started to see my scar not as a ugly reminder of what i lost but a beautiful line that reminds me how far I have come, how strong I can be and the fact that i have a second chance of life and i am not going to give up, I will give it my all and I will lose the weight, get fit & healthy, live life to the fullest and I will be a beautiful bride on my wedding day.

Also I have decided to answer some readers questions, If you have a question feel free to email me at
rockbartonbaker@gmail.com

So stay tuned, more to come tomorrow 

Love Always 

Mandy 

xoxo

A promise to yourself...

This time of year always gets me thinking about what my New Years resoloution will be, New Years resoloutions are really just promises to yourself, So i was wondering what will i promise myself this year?  

Last year I promised myself that no matter what i would beat Cancer, I kept that promise and am now nearly 9 months cancer free. 

So this year i have promised myself that i will enjoy life, I will smile more and try to be more positive, I will eat less crap, exercise more and start living. 

Well im already off to a flying start, I am exercising heaps and enjoying it, I am smiling a lot more, My no junk january is off to a awesome start, 4th day in and i havent eaten any junk. When we got fuel on New Year's Day i got a ice cream for Rob but didnt get one for me, it actually wasnt hard either, I actually didnt want a ice cream, then today when i went to the super market to get some more things for salad, i got a pack of chips for Rob and i didnt even have one, YAY for me im very proud that i am sticking to my promise i made to myself. Rob can eat junk food, he burns it off fast and doesnt eat much junk anyway. 

Im going to the gym nearly every night, i only have 2 nights off a week and even then i find i really want to go to the gym. 

286 days to go till Our Wedding, im still getting my head around the fact that this year Rob & i are finally getting married, Im so excited. I am loving every second of the planning so far and Im trying my hardest not to become a "Briddezilla", Its actually harder than it sounds.  Rob has been a fantastic help and been involved in everything so far. 

So i have 286 days to finish paying for my ute & get the things done to it that need to be done, so i can get it registered because i want to use it as my wedding car.

Over christmas i gained nearly 2kgs so i have to work extra hard to lose my weight, I dont want to be a fat bride, i want to be a fit healthy bride. 

Well i better be off now. 

Love always 

Mandy xoxo